Wallowing.

Today is one of those days that I truly wish I could just stay in bed.
Between ending a friendship that needed to end, my childhood friend Candy dying, and this hurricane that threatened to cancel a much needed vacation - I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
 I know the vacation part is incredibly selfish as the folks in the northeast are trying to recover from Sandy (that bitch.) but as my dear friend Rhonda Egan pointed out - travel keeps me sane. Having lived through many a hurricane and knowing full well how bad they can be, I should be thinking about how to help. I am not. I am wallowing in selfish self-pity and wondering if H&M will be open and if Pete and I still get to eat in and wander around Chinatown. I am wondering how badly my flight will be delayed and how difficult getting a taxi will be at LGA. I am wondering if the bagel production has been affected.
As for the rest of it - I would like to take a Xanax and sleep until my plane leaves on Friday. Candy's death has affected me more that I expected. We haven't spoken in so long and yet I am so very very sad. Her obituary essentially put me on the floor for half an hour. It's not fair to be taken so young and to not even get to know your newborn child. It's not fair at all.
And the friendship, it's strange how realistic and practical I've become in my old age. Relationships end. Just have to find a way to move on and not dwell on the pain but instead remember the joy it once held.
It's a beautiful day in Lafayette, La. The sun is shining. The air is crisp. I am glad I am not in bed. I am glad that I work every day to make Lafayette a healthier environment for all employees. I am grateful for my friends and family.

That being said, if I could, I would stay in bed and try again tomorrow.